I see some more States have legalized Same sex marriage and Marijuana use. I thought this was unusual for such a a Conservative, Christian country – but then I remembered the Bible teaches any man who lays with another man should be stoned.

Barney Stinson quotes from the awesome TV show How I Met Your Mother. 10 of the best Barney Stinson quotes…

These awesome Barney Stinson quotes are brought to you by our friends at ThinkNice.com. Visit their site for many other types of cool picture quotes.

A man is dating three gorgeous women and wants to choose one for marriage. So, he decides to give them a test… He gives each woman a present of $5,000.00 and watches to see what each does with the money.

The first woman gets a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make-up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was thoroughly impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents the gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the main is very impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the original $5,000.00. She gives him back his $5,000.00 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was again impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money. And then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

This is great. How’d you like to have your recreational league baseball team named the “Master Batters”? And, their slogan makes it even better… “He Who Cannot Be Beaten Must Beat Himself” – Hilarious stuff.

Yo momma so dumb, she studied for a drug test!

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

Yo Momma feet are so big, her shoes have to have license plates!

Yo momma so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip, at the radio station!

Yo Momma ain’t so bad. She would give you the hair off of her back!

Yo Momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.

It took yo Momma 10 tries to get her drivers license, ’cause she couldn’t get used to the front seat!

Yo Momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.

Yo Momma hair so nappy, she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.

Yo Momma so clumsy, she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Yo Momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, No Professionals.”

Yo Momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.

Yo Momma twice the man you are.

Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, “STOP THAT TWINKIE!!”

Yo Momma is missing a finger and can’t count past nine.

Yo Momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

Yo Momma’s middle name is Rambo.

Yo Momma so stupid, she was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.

Yo momma so dumb she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, “What a treasure!” and her father said, “Yea, let’s go bury it!”

Yo momma so fat she’s on both sides of the family.

Yo momma so black, when the police shot at her, the bullets came back for flashlights!

Yo momma so black, when she went to night school they marked her as absent!

Yo Momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.

Yo Momma gums are so black, she spits Yoo-hoo.

Yo Momma breath smell so bad, when she yawns her teeth duck.

I saw your Momma at the freak show petting the world’s largest turtle.

I saw yo Momma kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said “Moving.”

Yo Momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

8. Shows up at barn raisings in full “Kiss” makeup.

7. When you criticize him, he yells, “Thou suck!”

6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by “Jeb Daddy.”

5. Defiantly says, “If I had a radio, I’d listen to rap!”

4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.

3. Uses slang expression: “Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain’t listening.”

2. Was recently pulled over for “driving under the influence of cottage cheese.”

1. He’s wearing his big black hat backwards!

What a Great Billboard Advertisement

Hit the public with an image they DO NOT want to see, until some advertiser steps up to save the day. Nice.

“Listen John, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Ken replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore around the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs only ten dollars… A hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor visit.”

So John pees in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars. The computer then lights up and asks for the urine sample. John pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout… You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, John began wondering if the computer could be tricked. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. John then hurries back to the drugstore, eager to try to trick the computer. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and waits for the results.

Ten seconds later, the computer spits out the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Wash him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a good lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.